19 tips to stop your arguments escalating into destructive fights

Every couple argues. We all get tired and angry from time to time, or ‘hangry’ or stressed, and sometimes we take it out on our partners.  And that can lead to an argument – often over an insignificant issue.

The key is, though, to make sure we don’t let the argument escalate into a destructive fight.

Here are some tips on how to argue respectfully:

✘  DON’T raise your voice

✓  DO use a soft voice, or even a whisper

✘  DON’T speak with urgency in your tone

✓  DO say ‘You may be right – let me think about that’

✓  DO start responses with ‘I understand why you would think that’

✘  DON’T start responses with ‘Yes, but…’

✓  DO start responses with ‘Yes, and… ‘

✓  DO say ‘I’m sorry’ when you are in the wrong, or you have spoken disrespectfully, or you have hurt your partner’s feelings

✘  DON’T say ‘You’re wrong’

✓  DO say ‘I feel differently’

✘  DON’T threaten to leave your partner

✘  DON’T think every argument is a threat to your relationship

✓  DO pause and count to 3 before you respond if you need to collect your thoughts

✘  DON’T stonewall your partner

✓  DO take a ‘time out’ if you feel yourself getting angry

✘  DON’T dredge up issues from a long time ago

✓  DO stick to the issue at hand

✘  DON’T try to win the argument

✓  DO try to resolve the issue using compromise